In Babies and more We are promoters of respect in various situations of daily life: from which we must show towards pregnant women, in the upbringing and education of our children, to respect for other mothers. Personally I think that if we want respect, we must also respect the other.
An event that happened to a girl and her mother's reaction made me think that maybe, however respectful we want to be with others, on extreme occasions we must also know how to defend ourselves.
The experience of a mother
Yesterday afternoon I read an article in Scary Mommy entitled "Why did I give my daughter permission to kick your son in the hue ... "and my first reaction was to think: Ok that's too straight. But calmly reading the article, I understand perfectly why he said it and I share them.
Mandi Castle, the author of the article in question, is the mother of a six-year-old girl and tells us about a conversation she had with her daughter after school:
"Mom, I got bullied today," he told me as we walked home after school.
"Did they make you bullying?" I do not like the word. I think sometimes we use it too much and for anything, and I have a hard time thinking that my independent daughter could be harassed, so I questioned her a little. She tends to be a bit dramatic, she has always done it, and when we got home she told me that some children were chasing her in the yard. I told her not to play with them anymore if they were bothering her and that was that. We continue with our day.
At dinner he brought the subject up again. We always talk about the good and the bad of our day and when it was his turn to mention the bad in his day, he said: "Some children made me bullying today." Since this was the second time I said it, I tried to talk more with her.
"Tell me exactly what happened," I said. He told me then that some children were hitting her in the butt in the playground, and when she told them to stop, they called her "chubby" and laughed at her.
So is. Two children put their hands on my daughter, and when she told them to stop, they told her fat and made fun of him. Think about that for a second. Do you know where they learned it? I imagine where. I bet you do too.
I began to fill myself with rage, but I held it back and asked him what he had done next. He replied that He had told his teacher, and she told them to stop, but they didn't. The more I listened, the more furious I felt.
He showed me on my own ass what they had done and that can only be described as groping, but she didn't understand that. BECAUSE HE IS ONLY SIX YEARS OLD!
Then Mandi He explained that this was inappropriate and unacceptable and congratulated her for doing the right thing and telling her teacher. But his daughter lowered her head and said: "Manaña I'll just hide during recess"Mandi raised her face, looked into her eyes and replied:
NO. You will not allow two children to ruin your free time. You will not allow them to steal your happiness. They are breaking the rules. If they do it again tomorrow, you will say: "Take your hands off me." If they don't stop, you tell your teacher. If they continue to bother you, you will turn and step on them or kick them in the holes ... and if you get in trouble, go and tell your teacher to call me.
He explained that he might end up in the principal's office and that they would deal with it if they had to, but he wanted to make sure his daughter felt empowered and able to defend themselves.
The first option will always be the dialogue ...
"Politeness, does not remove the brave"said my maternal grandmother. I've always thought that it is better and easier to convince someone with a good argument and not doing things in a negative or aggressive way. As I say in the title of this article, I do not encourage violence. In fact, I think violence generates more violence.
That is why dialogue is always the first option. Acting diplomatically is better: we solve the problem and we can even win a new friend or ally. But There are occasions, when as respectful and calm as we try to be, things just don't work.
... but if you need to defend yourself, I will teach you to do it
I think no one would like his son to be harassed or molested at school by his classmates. Nor would we like to be discussed with the teacher and he only told them to stop doing it, a situation that in most cases, does not help much because a bully (stalker) usually does not stop a simple comment.
What do you do in such cases? How long should a child endure harassment or abuse of others for things to change? I want to raise my daughter to be a respectful person, who knows how to deal with problems in an intelligent way. But if a situation like Mandi's happens, I would like her to defend herself.
I want to educate my daughter so that she knows that nobody has the right to disturb her, nobody should feel with the power to attack her and, above all, that nobody, under any circumstances, should touch your body without your consent and much less, steal your happiness.
I will teach you to handle problem situations in a respectful way. But if it doesn't work peacefully, I want her to know how to defend herself and stop who is bothering her. I want him to know that if it is necessary and nothing else has worked, yes, he can punch him in the face or kick in the holes ... Because being good also has its limits and does not mean that we have to allow ourselves to be harassed.
Probably what a mother had said a long time ago: she was called from school because her daughter punched another partner. But they took a big surprise to realize that the only thing she had done was to defend herself, because the boy had started everything by harassing her and the teacher had done nothing to stop her.
Let's educate our children in respect
Remember that the main way to prevent a problem as big as bullying is to educate our children to respect others. Ending bullying and any kind of harassment begins in us.
Photos | iStock
Via | Scary Mommy
In Babies and more | "Ending bullying begins with you": great campaign against bullying, My son is too good: how to prevent him from being a victim of bullying
