The following story was explained by a mother in a forum a few days ago (I explain it by heart):
“A few days ago my daughter was born. It was by caesarean section and this caused us to be separated for more than an hour. During that time he was in Dad's arms all the time, who handed it to me when I arrived.
The midwife entered and said:
- How are you?
- Well - I said, trying to make it look like I had the situation under control (the procession went inside).
- Okay, now your little girl will be with you - he opened my shirt leaving my chest exposed, put it in contact with me skin to skin and said: now surely cry for a little while. It's normal, he will tell you what happened to him. ”
This beautiful story moved me for two things. First for the sweetness of the midwife and second for naming the emotions and crying of a newborn girl.
It seems a lie but it's true, Newborn children feel, suffer, get stressed, are sad, know… that is, they have feelings. The obvious difference with us is that they do not understand them, do not know how to express them or know what to do with their discomforts.
The time of birth is very traumatic for babies. They go from a state of darkness, muffled noise, perfect temperature, continuous rocking to a cold, highly illuminated environment, excessive noise and many changes.
We all know and many suffer anxiety about certain changes (a move, a job change, a break, ...), well, being born is a CHANGE, well, with capital letters and bold. It is a change of work, of housing, of country and of life, all together and in a person whom they have not even notified or understand what is going on.
There are children who cry for several days at the same time they were born. Maybe it's a coincidence. I prefer to think that they have really suffered an experience that torments them and in this way I can approach them emotionally and understand their affliction and many of their cries.
It bothers me greatly when faced with a crying baby a lot of adult comments are directed in only two directions: the marraneo or teasing.
Adults need love, we need emotional security (which we get with a formal bond called marriage or partner) and we ask for support in times of restlessness, anxiety or need. Many times we do not even ask for a solution but we are content with a shoulder to lean on or someone who can listen and understand us. And when we look for that affection, that support and that emotional security, we are not teasing, we are not even marrying. In fact, these are the moments in which we are most sincere, because we ask for things from the heart.
Well, this is the secret. The secret of fatherhood is empathy, the ability to put ourselves in the place of other people to understand them and if it is your child, also try to feel what you feel.
To live a conscious parenthood, to be able to act from the heart, to be able to heed your true instincts you must put yourself at their level. You are the adult and you are the one with rational capacity and experience in life. You must adapt to it and not vice versa.
The baby has just arrived. He doesn't understand anything and it seems that everything bothers him. Instead of staying in the “look, that's smart, just wants arms”, wouldn't it be better if you tried to go further and ask yourself “why do you just want arms” and put yourself in their place? If you were just born and only had your parents, wouldn't you want to be with them at all times?
