The sadness It is an emotion present in the lives of children, without necessarily talking about childhood depression. Although they have to experience it there are certain things we can do to help them manage it in a healthy way.
To be sad is not to be depressed, it is important that we distinguish. Depression is an alteration of mood and sadness is a necessary and basic emotion that arises in life situations.
There is nothing that hurts parents more than seeing our child have a bad time, feeling bad. We want to avoid all suffering, right? But this can deprive you of necessary experiences, avoiding negative emotions will cause you to have poor emotional management, now and in the future.
It is necessary that you freely experience, without constraints, your emotions in order to learn to identify and manage them well.
If we do not allow them to feel sadness, what is going to happen is that they will feel the same (it is a basic emotion, it cannot be removed), but they will stay inside, which will generate enormous discomfort. In addition, keeping it tends to feed it, which will make it bigger and bigger.
Allowing you to be sad includes allowing you to cry. Crying is the expression of emotion, but it also serves as an escape valve for its regulation. Hasn't it ever happened to you that you felt terrible and after crying have you stayed new? So why insist that your son not cry?
The sadness is fine, but in manageable doses
As I said it is important that we allow our son to feel and experience sadness, but that does not mean that we should let him give up his grief.
Sadness is necessary (I'll tell you below) but that is why we should not sit idly by feeling it or when our son feels it.
The sadness it's something that comes and goes, appears but then leaves and gives way to joy. When we detect that frankly it is difficult to leave it and / or when we see that it appears very frequently we must (pre) take care.
There is nothing wrong with being sad from time to time, on the contrary: sadness has its positive aspects, it is useful and necessary:
- To start without her we would not be able to feel joy, we would not have an opposite that would allow us to distinguish it. It's only worth it, right?
- The sadness in making us feel bad leads us to detect what is negative for us, therefore it is important for our ability to adapt (and for survival). In the case of children, who are in full learning of themselves and the world, this is very important.
- When we are sad we tend to do less things, we become somewhat apathetic, and this allows us to have more introspective moments, think more about ourselves, how we feel, makes us more reflective and therefore know each other better. When we are very happy we do not stop to reflect on it, what we do is live it.
- Feeling sad can lead us to seek help, resort to others, which has a social function (although in excess generates rejection, it is also true, we speak in small doses).
- Sometimes positive emotions mingle with sadness To be able to create moods that we need, such as the morriña, to miss: we are sad but we also feel love for what we long for, so it is a mixture. Can you imagine a world in which no one will miss anyone or anything?
What can we do to help them manage this sadness?
- Not reject emotion: As I said before, negative emotions are necessary, we must allow (and allow ourselves) to feel them.
- In relation to this: review what we say about sadness and what we do when we are sad. If he sees us abandon ourselves to feeling for days he will learn that this is the valid model.
- Remind you that can ask for help: We are there for that, if you feel bad, if you do not find a solution to a problem that is causing you discomfort ... call us, that's what parents are for.
- Do activities that you like: the activity (especially if it is rewarding) is one of the best ways to boost your spirits, so ... what do we play?
- Do not minimize the importance of what has led him to be sad. Children feel genuine and real sadness, and not because they are small or have reasons that may seem small to adults, their sadness is less so.
- Use empathy: if we tell you how we feel when we are sad or at some point in which we were like that but in the end we find ourselves better we are providing two very important points: 1) a model from which you can learn: with the experience that we are telling you we show you a possible way to face the situation and 2) when talking about our experiences ... "My mother understands me, knows what I feel", which in addition to calming him will bring you closer and allow you to help him regulate his mood.
- Help him find solutions to things that concern you or that are not as you would like them to be.
Sadness is not as bad as they paint it, It has its benefits and we need it, both adults and children. However, if your little one worries you, if you notice him differently or you think he is having a bad time, he certainly goes to a professional, surely he can help you.
Photos: Inside out
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